


all his lyrics are hella homoerotic and like half the time i get the impression hes specifically rapping about gay ANIMALS its honestly super unsettling but his sense of rhythm is on point

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave and Karkat talk about dreams, timelines, and cereal.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 17
Kudos: 213





	all his lyrics are hella homoerotic and like half the time i get the impression hes specifically rapping about gay ANIMALS its honestly super unsettling but his sense of rhythm is on point

DAVE: hey karkat whats up  
KARKAT: HEY.  
DAVE: oh man you look like shit  
KARKAT: THANKS.  
DAVE: no seriously  
DAVE: i mean damn  
DAVE: you ok dude  
KARKAT: I’M FINE.  
DAVE: ok...  
DAVE: you want some cereal  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: cool i literally just poured some its right at that perfect state where the milks like just meandering its way into all the nooks and crannies  
KARKAT: BLEH.  
DAVE: oh wait shit nooks a weird word for you huh whoops  
DAVE: well whatever the only piece of information that needs to be gotten across is that this bowl of cereal is in PEAK condition for consumption  
DAVE: here you take it  
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT YOUR OLD CEREAL, DAVE.  
DAVE: no its not old thats the point its perfect  
DAVE: i didnt even taste it yet i swear it is unsullied by human spit  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: cmon please take it dude its gonna get soggy  
DAVE: ill just pour myself a new bowl  
KARKAT: THANKS.  
DAVE: yeah of course man  
DAVE: you want some coffee too  
KARKAT: SURE.  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: maybe thatll perk you up  
KARKAT: MAYBE.  
DAVE: ...you wanna tell me whats wrong  
KARKAT: I’D LOVE TO DAVE, BUT APPARENTLY I HAVE TO EAT THIS CEREAL RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND OR IT’S GONNA GO SOGGY AND ALL YOUR FUCKING EFFORTS WILL HAVE BEEN IN VAIN.  
DAVE: yeah ok good point  
DAVE: thats some really good thinking karkat you always have your head in the game thats what i like about you  
DAVE: eat your cereal  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: so uh  
DAVE: i was in a fun dream bubble last night  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: yeah i ran into equius  
DAVE: your horse buddy  
DAVE: he says hi by the way  
DAVE: although not really to “you” you know  
DAVE: hes from a doomed timeline that split off pretty early  
DAVE: so when he said to say hi to you he was probably picturing a different you who didnt finish the game or come to this meteor or meet me or anything  
DAVE: which is kinda funny when you think about it  
DAVE: but uh yeah  
DAVE: he still said hi  
DAVE: which i thought was nice  
DAVE: we had a good time together actually  
DAVE: that dude LOVES to rap  
DAVE: i mean all his lyrics are hella homoerotic and like half the time i get the impression hes specifically rapping about gay ANIMALS  
DAVE: its honestly super unsettling  
DAVE: but his sense of rhythm is on point  
DAVE: we just spit fire at each other for a good couple hours on this planet fulla teapots  
DAVE: it was weird as hell but awesome  
DAVE: ten outta ten would dream again  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: so i cant help but notice you finished your cereal  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: you wanna uh  
DAVE: talk?  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: you dont have to  
DAVE: i could tell you some of equius’ creepiest verses  
DAVE: i actually woke up and wrote some of em down they were so fucking bizarre  
DAVE: do you know what a musclebeast is  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW.  
DAVE: haha yeah i prolly dont  
DAVE: you wanna hear some verses at least  
KARKAT: HEH.  
KARKAT: NO THANKS.  
DAVE: ok  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I MET SOMEBODY LAST NIGHT TOO.  
DAVE: oh yeah?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: who  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: MYSELF.  
DAVE: oh shit  
DAVE: those are the worst im sorry  
DAVE: ive met so many doomed daves dude and most of them i didnt even have to go to sleep for  
DAVE: it sucks i can totally understand waking up in a funk after that  
DAVE: what was this guys deal  
DAVE: howd he  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: you know  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: HE DIED SAVING NEPETA.  
DAVE: yeah?  
KARKAT: YEAH. FROM GAMZEE.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: SO IT WAS A HEROIC DEATH.  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: oh shit  
DAVE: so he was...  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: HE WAS GOD TIER.  
DAVE: is that the first one youve ever met  
KARKAT: YEP.  
DAVE: ...what was he like  
KARKAT: HE WAS PISSED OFF.  
DAVE: really wow a pissed off karkat  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: just tryna lighten the mood but apparently thats not what were doin right now  
DAVE: keep goin  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
KARKAT: HE WASN'T JUST NORMAL KARKAT PISSED OFF.  
KARKAT: HE WAS... HE WAS SO FUCKING ANGRY.  
KARKAT: AT ME.  
KARKAT: AND I MEAN THAT’S NOTHING NEW. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. I’VE SPENT MORE TIME YELLING AT MYSELF THAN AT ANYBODY ELSE, AND THAT’S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING!  
KARKAT: BUT THIS WAS DIFFERENT.  
KARKAT: HE WAS SO INCREDIBLY... BITTER.  
KARKAT: AND HE DIDN’T SEE ME AS SOME WEIRD PROJECTION OF HIMSELF, WHICH IS KIND OF HOW I’VE ALWAYS SEEN MY ALTERNATE SELVES WHEN I REALLY LAY INTO THEM.  
KARKAT: HE CLEARLY THOUGHT OF ME AS SOMEBODY APART FROM HIM.  
KARKAT: SOMEBODY WHO’D PERSONALLY WRONGED HIM.  
KARKAT: HE ACTUALLY *LIKED* HIMSELF.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: AND HE FUCKING *HATED* ME.  
DAVE: why did he hate you  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I WAS STILL ALIVE.  
DAVE: right  
DAVE: i mean that makes sense  
DAVE: the doomed daves i meet always try to play it cool cuz thats just our style i mean thats more or less our code even beyond the veil  
DAVE: but that doesnt stop it from being weird as hell  
DAVE: and i know deep down they must resent me at least somewhat  
DAVE: cuz i know i would and im them  
DAVE: apart from the whole not being a ghost thing which is the source of the problem to begin with so what are you gonna do  
KARKAT: NO, THIS WAS DIFFERENT.  
KARKAT: I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BECAUSE I’VE MET THOSE DOOMED VERSIONS OF MYSELF TOO.  
KARKAT: I MEAN APART FROM THE WHOLE “PLAYING IT COOL” ASPECT.  
KARKAT: WE PRETTY MUCH JUST SCREAM AT EACH OTHER AND BLAME EACH OTHER FOR EVERYTHING.  
KARKAT: BUT THAT’S JUST OUR VERSION OF YOU PLAYING IT COOL. WE’RE BOTH SPEAKING THE SAME LANGUAGE. IT’D BE FUCKING WEIRD ANY OTHER WAY, YOU KNOW?  
DAVE: heh yeah that sounds about right  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: AND THIS... THIS WAS FUCKING WEIRD.  
KARKAT: HE DIDN’T BLAME ME FOR FUCKING HIS SHIT UP, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T THINK HIS SHIT WAS FUCKED UP.  
KARKAT: HE THOUGHT HE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.  
DAVE: he sounds like an asshole  
KARKAT: YEAH BUT THE THING IS... IT KINDA SOUNDED LIKE HE DID.  
KARKAT: DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, I MEAN.  
KARKAT: HE GOT EVERYBODY THROUGH THE GAME.  
DAVE: so did you dude  
KARKAT: YEAH BUT... HE STILL MANAGED TO REACH GOD TIER WHILE HE DID IT.  
KARKAT: I MEAN WHEN DID THAT FUCKER FIND THE TIME?  
KARKAT: WHERE’D HE FIND THE *BED*??  
KARKAT: HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL ME. BUT APPARENTLY IT WAS “FUCKING OBVIOUS.”  
DAVE: cmon fuck that guy  
KARKAT: UGH, I DON’T EVEN REALLY CARE ABOUT THE GOD TIER THING.  
KARKAT: WHAT *REALLY* BOTHERS ME IS THAT DAY WHEN EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT, THE DAY EVERYBODY DIED...  
KARKAT: HE WAS BRAVE.  
KARKAT: GAMZEE LOST HIS GODDAMN MIND, AND HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  
KARKAT: HE TRIED TO SAVE HIS FRIENDS. HE ACTUALLY *DIED* FOR HIS FRIENDS.  
KARKAT: INSTEAD OF JUST ABANDONING EVERYBODY AND HIDING IN THE CORNER SCARED AND WHINING UNTIL TEREZI FUCKING FIXED IT FOR HIM.  
DAVE: kinda sounds like terezis the real hero here  
KARKAT: HEH  
KARKAT: YEAH BUT...  
KARKAT: HE WAS SO FUCKING BRAVE.  
KARKAT: HE KNEW IT’D BE A HEROIC DEATH, AND HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF ANYWAY.  
KARKAT: SO HE WASN'T EVEN PISSED OFF AT ME THAT HE WAS DEAD.  
KARKAT: THAT WAS HIS OWN FUCKING FAULT.  
KARKAT: HE WAS SO ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I DIDN’T DO ANY OF THE HEROIC SHIT HE DID.  
KARKAT: I DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE.  
KARKAT: AND I GOT REWARDED FOR IT.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE APPARENTLY *I’M* THE ALPHA TIMELINE.  
KARKAT: *I’M* THE “REAL” KARKAT.  
DAVE: oh shit  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: HE BUSTED HIS ASS AND SACRIFICED HIMSELF AND WAS AN AMAZING LEADER AND AN EVEN MORE AMAZING HERO.  
KARKAT: AND IT DIDN’T COUNT FOR ANYTHING.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE APPARENTLY *THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE.*  
DAVE: dude karkat  
KARKAT: SO THAT TIMELINE JUST DRIBBLED OUT INTO NOTHINGNESS.  
KARKAT: EVERYBODY HE WORKED SO HARD TO SAVE JUST FUCKING DIED ANYWAY!  
KARKAT: AND THEY DIED *BECAUSE* HE TRIED SO HARD TO SAVE THEM!  
KARKAT: *THAT’S* WHAT HE DID WRONG!  
KARKAT: *THAT’S* WHAT FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!  
KARKAT: HE WAS TOO GOOD!  
KARKAT: HE WASN’T ENOUGH OF A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT FUCKUP!  
DAVE: karkat  
KARKAT: AND THEN HE FUCKING MEETS *ME!*  
KARKAT: THIS IDIOT WHO NEVER REACHED GOD TIER AND JUST SCREWED UP AND SCREAMED AT EVERYBODY FOR THREE WEEKS AND THEN WHEN THINGS GOT SCARY JUST FUCKING RAN AWAY AND HID AND CRIED INTO A BUNCH OF MEMOS.  
KARKAT: AND BECAUSE I DID ALL THOSE THINGS, I’M STILL ALIVE.  
KARKAT: APPARENTLY THAT'S WHAT I'M *SUPPOSED TO DO.*  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: HE COULD BARELY EVEN FUCKING LOOK AT ME.  
DAVE: oh my god  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: FUCK that guy  
KARKAT: I MEAN HE’S ALREADY DEAD AND MISERABLE.  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE YOU CAN REALLY BRING HIM DOWN.  
DAVE: no karkat shut up im fucking serious here  
DAVE: he chose to do all that shit  
DAVE: thats on him  
DAVE: he cant fucking blame you because you made the right choice and he didnt  
KARKAT: BUT HE *DID* MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE, DAVE!  
KARKAT: THAT’S THE THING!  
KARKAT: HE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!  
KARKAT: THE PROBLEM IS APPARENTLY THE ALPHA TIMELINE IS FUCKING COUNTING ON ME TO MAKE THE *WRONG* CHOICE EVERY TIME!  
KARKAT: IT FUCKING *LOVES* IT!  
KARKAT: IT REWARDS THE WORST POSSIBLE FUCKING VERSION OF ME BECAUSE IT KNOWS IT CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME TO KEEP BEING FUCKING GOD AWFUL!  
KARKAT: ANY TIME I EVEN THINK OF MAKING A GOOD DECISION OR HELPING SOMEONE OUT OR NOT BEING A COMPLETE AND UTTER PIECE OF FUCKING GARBAGE, IT KILLS THAT VERSION OF ME DEAD.  
KARKAT: IT’S NATURAL SELECTION AT ITS FUCKING BEST!  
KARKAT: AND *I* AM ITS RESULT!  
KARKAT: EVERY DAY I LIVE I BECOME A MORE CONCENTRATED VERSION OF EMBARRASSING INEPTITUDE AND COWARDICE AND FUCKASSERY!!  
DAVE: oh my god karkat calm the fuck down  
KARKAT: NO!!!!  
DAVE: seriously man  
DAVE: youre freaking me out here  
KARKAT: YEAH SEE!  
KARKAT: HERE I FUCKING GO AGAIN!  
KARKAT: THERE’S ANOTHER VERSION OF ME RIGHT NOW WHO’S *NOT* JUST SCREAMING AT HIS BEST FRIEND WHO’S ONLY TRYING TO HELP HIM!  
KARKAT: I HOPE THAT DOUCHEBAG LIKES ETERNITY SERVED COLD, BECAUSE HE’S ABOUT TO GET A BIG HEAPING SCOOP OF IT!  
DAVE: what the fuck shut up karkat no theres not and you know it  
DAVE: now just  
DAVE: jesus  
DAVE: take a deep breath  
DAVE: cmon  
DAVE: do it with me  
DAVE: iiin  
DAVE: ooout  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: thats kinda more of a scream but i guess thats good enough its prolly gonna have to suffice  
DAVE: now youre gonna eat some more fucking cereal  
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT ANY MORE FUCKING CEREAL.  
DAVE: well too bad karkat cuz youre gonna eat some  
DAVE: give you somethin to fucking concentrate on  
DAVE: here  
KARKAT: YOU’RE TRYING TO DISTRACT ME WITH FUCKING CEREAL, DAVE?  
DAVE: youre goddamn right i am now eat the fuck up its at peak milk distribution karkat if you let that cereal get soggy itll be a serious fucking insult thats the most you can possibly insult somebody on earth  
KARKAT: AUUUUGHHHH!  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: FIIIIINE!  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: thank you  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: now im gonna say something ok  
DAVE: something ive never told anybody  
DAVE: something im not exactly comfy with  
DAVE: so you better fucking listen  
DAVE: listen good and hard so you can hear over that crunchy cereal ok?  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I’M LISTENING.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: do you have any idea how many versions of myself ive killed karkat  
KARKAT: UM  
DAVE: and i dont mean killed in this stupid indirect cerebral bullfucky way youre tryna blame yourself for that makes no sense  
DAVE: i mean literally and directly killed by sending them to a doomed timeline because i couldnt get my shit together with the time travel  
DAVE: because i forgot  
DAVE: or i fucked up and didnt do something the way i thought i was supposed to  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: and also a few times because i couldve gotten my shit together but i just didnt  
DAVE: because i chose not to  
DAVE: i couldve closed a loop but i didnt do it  
DAVE: because i just didnt fucking feel like it  
DAVE: because im thirteen and sometimes i get pissed off and fucking lash out  
DAVE: except instead of fucking carving my name on the stall in the middle school bathroom or stealing cigarettes i dont even know how to smoke or whatever id be doing if i was a normal teenager  
DAVE: id let versions of myself fucking branch off into doomed timelines and die  
DAVE: because fuck it right  
DAVE: theyre all kinds of expendable  
DAVE: and im not hurting anybody but myself so who gives a shit  
KARKAT: DAVE...  
DAVE: except its not actually just me right  
DAVE: because those are entire timelines i doomed with my angsty bullshit  
DAVE: theres probably just as many yous out there that i fucking let die because i wanted to act out  
DAVE: just as many johns and roses and yeah nepeta, this girl i never even met when she was alive  
DAVE: shit maybe i was actually responsible for that equius i met last night  
DAVE: maybe i was havin a fun ass time kickin it with a guy i doomed to some bullshit nonsense timeline and essentially straight up murdered  
DAVE: and i didnt even know it  
DAVE: hell maybe your god tier karkat was in one of those timelines too  
DAVE: maybe im the real reason hes dead  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD DAVE...  
DAVE: look dont get the wrong idea im not tryna make you feel sorry for me or anything here  
DAVE: and im not trying to diminish your problems or make it seem like mine are more important  
DAVE: or i guess maybe i am actually  
DAVE: cuz really what im trying to do is put things into perspective for you ok  
DAVE: you didnt do a single fucking thing wrong  
DAVE: and for that asshole to try to lay that survivors guilt bullshit on you is just so completely deranged  
DAVE: he got himself fucking killed  
DAVE: and he took a break from helping his friends win the game so he could saunter his ass over to god tier  
DAVE: and he has the fucking BALLS to give you shit for not being like him?  
DAVE: i cant fucking believe youd think that piece of shit has anything on you man  
DAVE: i mean it sounds like he just made a couple classic good guy moves and all of a sudden he thinks he deserves to be the most important version of you in the universe  
DAVE: FUCK that guy  
DAVE: and fuck his two bit low hanging fruit superman self aware martyr bullshit  
DAVE: you didnt do a DAMN thing wrong and you deserve to be here  
DAVE: ok?  
KARKAT: ...OK DAVE.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: I THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE TOO, YOU KNOW.  
DAVE: yeah i guess  
DAVE: i mean im pretty sure im just the most asshole version of myself who let all the other versions die  
DAVE: so if thats the sense of the word deserve youre goin for then yep youre right on the money  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN, DAVE.  
DAVE: sigh  
DAVE: yeah i know  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT?  
KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE THE MOST ASSHOLE VERSION OF YOURSELF?  
DAVE: do you really think youre the most concentrated version of embarrassing ineptitude cowardice and fuckassery  
KARKAT: ...I DON’T KNOW.  
DAVE: yeah well  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE:...  
KARKAT: ARE YOU OK, DAVE?  
DAVE: are you  
KARKAT: I... I GUESS I'M FEELING A LITTLE BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.  
DAVE: ok then cool were good  
KARKAT: BUT-  
DAVE: i said were good ok  
DAVE: the sooner we get not talkin about this the better im gonna be  
KARKAT: OK. SURE.  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: YOU WANT SOME MORE CEREAL?  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: no i dont think i should i was already on my third bowl when you got here  
DAVE: i might actually explode karkat its a serious concern  
KARKAT: HEH. OK.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: yeah im pretty sure that guy you met was full of shit karkat  
DAVE: i mean whose fucking word are we taking on all this alpha timeline bullshit anyway  
DAVE: the fucking GHOSTS?  
DAVE: dont you think they might have an ulterior motive or two  
DAVE: like this douchebag you were talkin to  
DAVE: who says he actually died saving anybody?  
DAVE: just him right?  
DAVE: maybe he just slipped in the bathroom and fell face first in a toilet and drowned  
DAVE: the fates or whatever the hell decided it was a just death because he was about to clog the toilet so bad it was gonna flood the whole meteor and kill everybody  
KARKAT: ...YOU KNOW THIS IS STILL KIND OF ME YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, DAVE.  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: yeah sorry  
KARKAT: IT’S OK.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: siiiiiigh  
DAVE: yepppp  
DAVE: im sorry you had a shitty night karkat but i dont know what else to fucking tell you  
DAVE: i just  
DAVE: im really glad this yous alive  
DAVE: not just because youre not that god tier guy although actually partly because of that seriously he sounds like SUCH a tool  
DAVE: just like  
DAVE: youre the only karkat i know  
DAVE: i dont think youre like the best or worst or ultimate version of yourself or anything  
DAVE: i think youre honestly all pretty much the same  
DAVE: that fuckin capey douchenozzle notwithstanding obviously  
DAVE: i think probably when it comes down to it youre just the one whos here by chance  
DAVE: and um  
DAVE: i think this yous pretty sweet  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: and whether i deserve it or not  
DAVE: im glad i get to be the me whos alive here with you  
DAVE: and i  
DAVE: i honestly dont have anything more to say than that on the matter  
DAVE: i dont have any like grand wisdom or whatever  
DAVE: that doesnt come with the whole god tier package  
DAVE: which is maybe honestly good evidence that that guy you talked to is full of shit  
DAVE: and just really salty that he turned his back on a murder clown and you didnt  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: thats all i got man  
DAVE: im sorry  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE SORRY FOR?  
DAVE: shit i dont even know man  
DAVE: not helping you more i guess  
KARKAT: I THINK YOU DID HELP.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, I'M NOT SCREAMING ANYMORE.  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: yeah youre right  
KARKAT: THAT'S A BIG FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT, DAVE.  
DAVE: ha  
KARKAT: LESSER PEOPLE THAN YOU HAVE TRIED AND FAILED.  
DAVE: haha  
KARKAT: THANK YOU.  
DAVE: no problem dude you know i got you  
KARKAT: YEAH. I DO.  
KARKAT: DAVE?  
DAVE: yeah whats up  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I’M REALLY FUCKING GLAD I’M HERE WITH YOU TOO.  
DAVE: ...thanks man  



End file.
